Dilemma
by imjustwriting
Summary: She knows this man is going to be the death of her, yet she doesn't care one bit.


Another one-shot that needed to be written. This is what I hope for next week with Linstead based loosely off of spoilers I've read. I hope you like. Anyone reading LLO, update on Saturday. Enjoy!

**Disclaimer**: I do not own or have any affiliation with Chicago PD, its characters, writers, cast or crew.

**XXX**

It is morning in Chicago. The sun has just woken up, beginning to rise over the windy city and Erin Lindsay is back in intelligence.

She wears a smile on her face as she pulls up to District 21 and parks the Chrysler 300. She jumps out of the driver's seat and makes her way up the front steps of the building. Dark jeans over her legs, combats laced tight on her feet, and a burgundy leather jacket zipped over a black long sleeve pull over.

When she enters through the doors of the district and walks up the short flight of stairs, Platt greets her with a wide smile.

"Am I gonna have to buzz you up again, Agent Lindsay, or do they know you're coming?"

I shake my head, but smile back, "Actually, it's Detective again. And yeah, Voight knows."

"Detective? What about the feds?" Platt asks her, clearly shocked and unsure as to how when she usually is one of the first to know everything.

Erin only gives a sly grin as she walks past, calling over her shoulder, "It wasn't for me. I'll see ya later, Sarg."

She walks up the stairs and lets herself in. When she gets to the top of the stairs she surveys the room with happy hazel eyes. Everyone seems to be at their respective desks. The guys are all hunched over paperwork or typing away on a keyboard, except Alvin who is in Voight's office.

Nadia looks up from her computer and smiles widely at the woman in front of her.

"Erin!" Nadia stands and hugs her quick and then all eyes are on the dark blonde.

"Look what the cat dragged in. How nice of a federal agent to grace us common officers with her presence."

The dig comes from a smiling Ruzek who approaches and gives her a sideways hug.

Erin whacks at his shoulder, "I can still kick your ass."

He holds his hands up in surrender before returning to his desk while Dawson and Atwater greet her with smiles of their own and nods of hello.

Jay approaches her, a soft smile spread over his lips and his blue eyes as bright as a perfect summer's day sky.

"Hey, you."

Erin feels like tiny bit of heat rush to her cheeks and smiles back, "Hey."

"What's going on?"

She opens her mouth to answer her question, but gets cut off by Hank's voice as he and Alvin coming out of his office.

"Hey, kid."

He has a happy smile on his aging face, almost proud-like. He pulls her into his arms and squeezes her tight once before he releases her. Alvin nods at her and she smiles back.

"Did ya tell 'em yet?" Hank asks her as he stands in front of her.

She shakes her head, "Was just about to."

Hank nods and takes a step back as she takes the room. Her eyes moving to each person as she speaks, lingering on Jay a couple seconds longer as she tells them of her return to Intelligence. They offer her more smiles and welcome-back hugs and then that is that. Everyone goes back to work, and Hank and Alvin go back to Voight's office. They close the door and resume their conversation.

When Erin casts another glance at Jay she notices he has retreated to the break room. A slight slouch to his shoulders and a longing look on his face. Something she can't quite place or recognize and all she wants to do is hug him.

She throws a look over her shoulder and sees that everyone is still preoccupied so she takes a quick breath and makes her way into the break room.

"Hey," she calls out to him.

He turns at her voice and offers a small smile, but it's not as soft as before. More hesitant.

"Hey," he says.

She takes a closer look at his face as he stands only feet away from her and she notices his eyes then. That perfect summer day is gone, now just storm grey.

"I should have told you I was coming back. I'm sorry for blindsiding you."

Her eyes stay on his as he takes in her words, but he shrugs them off.

"It's no big deal."

Erin takes a step closer to him, "Yes, it is. It just happened so quickly. One minute I was at the agency, the next I was quitting and was at Voight's asking for my spot back. I should have called you or texted or something."

He smiles at her again, but she can tell it is forced, "Erin, it's really okay. It's not like you have to tell me everything."

She looks almost hurt at his words; a slight haze of confusion covers her face.

"Look, about the other night," she starts and he stops her with a shake of his head.

"Don't worry about it."

Erin raises an eyebrow, "Don't worry about it?"

"Yeah, don't worry about it," he tells her, adding in, "It was fun."

"Oh," Erin whispers.

She drops her eyes from his, looking anywhere except at him and settles on fiddling with a loose thread on the sleeve of her jacket. She swallows down a lump before tears prick her eyes. She can't do this here. So she swallows another lump, what's left of her dignity, and lifts her eyes back up to his.

"Is that all it was to you?" She asks him, her voice quiet and raspier than usual.

Jay realizes then, taking in her voice and the hurt look in her eyes, what she thinks he thought their night together was and it kills him. She could never be a one night stand. Not to him.

He shakes his head quickly at her, "Erin, that's not-"

She forces a smile and tries to shrug it off, "It's okay. Probably for the best, right?"

"I'm handling this all wrong, I'm sorry," Jay shakes his head, taking another step closer to her, "I don't regret what happened between us, Erin. Not for a second. In fact, I want to do it again. I just – I thought we were finally getting our one day. Ironically enough, that's all it lasted for."

Erin gets it then. Why he closed up on her. To protect himself. She almost wants to laugh because of how similar their hearts are; they're so one and the same.

Instead, she smiles at him and takes another step forward. She doesn't care about their proximity in the work place. All she cares about right now is him and having him and realizes the only way that is going to happen is if she lays all her cards out on the table.

"Jay, I don't want this to stop. This-" she lifts a hand between them for emphasis, "thing, whatever it is or whatever it could be."

Jay sighs then, his eyes trained on hers, "I don't want it to stop either, but I don't think we have much of a choice here, Erin."

"Seems we have a bit of a dilemma then, Halstead."

He shakes his head at her words, a sad smile on his face, "No dilemma. It just is what it is."

"We can still do this, Jay. Us. No one has to know until we want them to."

He raises an eyebrow at her, "You mean we'll sneak around and purposely not tell anyone."

She lets out a half laugh, "What I mean, smart ass, is we keep doing what we're doing. Let people think what they want to think."

He stays quiet for a moment, contemplating her proposal. He wants this, her, more than anything, but the repercussions scare the piss out of him.

"And when Voight finds out? Because you know he will sooner than later."

Erin shrugs, "We'll cross that bridge when we get to it."

He smiles at her, a true one this time because she really does want this, him. She has put it all out there for him to take in.

He gives one quick nod to her, "But if he asks me anything, I won't lie to him. Alright?"

She smiles, bares her dimples, "Even if that means he might kill you?"

He smiles back, wider, "I want to be with you. I guess I'll take my chances."

She looks over her shoulder quickly before turning back to him and taking another step closer to his body.

"I swear if we weren't here right now, Jay," she whispers for only him to hear.

Jay's lips tilt up into a smirk, his blue eyes shining once again. Erin's eyes glance down at his lips. She pokes her tongue out, running it along her bottom lip before looking back up at him.

"Come over my place tonight," she tells him then, before sucking her bottom lip in between her teeth.

His grin deepens at her invitation. Sure, he's seen her apartment before, but only in so many ways. The fact that she was brazen enough to extend the invite shows Jay how serious she is about trying things with him. And if it wasn't for the fact that they were in the break room of where they worked, he would have her up against the wall again just like he had two nights ago.

"Your place after shift, huh?" He wiggles his eyebrows at her suggestively.

She laughs a hearty, rasp-filled laugh and nods with a twinkle in her eye, and a dangerous smirk on her lips.

He nods back, smile still in place on his face. He takes a step closer, barely any space between them and casts a glance over the top of her head through the open door of the break room.

No one is paying attention and Voight is probably still in his office. It's just them there. So he takes the chance and goes for it. He leans in and brushes his lips over hers. She wastes no time in kissing him back. She reaches a hand out and takes hold of his shoulder to keep herself steady on her feet; Jay has always made her dizzy.

He pulls back seconds later, remembering that they are in fact at work, and she drops her hand – arms resting at her sides.

"We'll finish this later," he promises in a low voice.

"We better," she says, raspy voice and flush cheeks.

He smiles that dazzling grin at her, reaches down between them and squeezes one of her hands before stepping around her to leave the break room.

She lets out a shaky, yet content sigh and then looks over her shoulder to watch him leave. She smiles a wide grin of her own as she keeps her eyes on his retreating figure and she sighs again. Because she knows this man is going to be the death of her, yet she doesn't care one bit.


End file.
